A widely circulated “three‑gate” framework — “Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” — is commonly attributed to various traditions. Its origins remain unverified, though similar versions appear in Sufi sayings (e.g., “three gates” by Rumi), universal proverb collections, and even a Sai Baba variant that adds “does it improve the silence?”
Disclaimer This post draws on a traditional “three‑gate” approach, attributed in various sources to Sufi teachings, Rumi, Sai Baba, and others. Its exact origin is uncertain, but its wisdom is timeless.
🧘♂️ Before You Speak: A Buddhist Filter for the Modern Mouth
Ever said something and immediately wished you could stuff the words back into your mouth like they were hot sambal you weren’t ready for? Yup. We’ve all been there.
In today’s fast-paced, reply-before-you-think world — where texts fly faster than thoughts and comment sections turn into war zones — there’s an old-school filter that’s timeless and foolproof:
Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
~ Attributed to the Buddha
Let’s break it down.
💬 Is it true?
Not “did my cousin’s friend’s ex tell me this,” but verifiably, factually, undeniably true.
If you're not sure, maybe don’t repeat it. Otherwise, you’re just playing emotional dominoes with someone’s feelings.
Funny antidote
Friend: “Did you hear John quit because he couldn’t handle the pressure?”
Reality: John’s on paternity leave with twins.
Congratulations — you just started a rumour and made John sound like a marshmallow.
🛑 Is it necessary?
Even if it's true, does it really need to be said? Especially out loud, in a group chat or on Facebook at 2 a.m.?
Some things are like durian in an elevator. Just because you have it, doesn’t mean you should share it.
Classic moment
Your brain: “Tell them their idea is rubbish.”
Your filter: “Let’s reframe it as ‘needs improvement’ or better yet, just breathe.”
💖 Is it kind?
This is the heart of it. Is what you’re about to say helpful, encouraging or supportive? If not, maybe just... don’t.
Being “honest” isn’t an excuse to be cruel. “I’m just being real” isn’t a personality — it’s a defence mechanism. Choose kindness over ego.
🌱 Conclusion
In a world that rewards speed, sharp wit and clapbacks, pausing to ask those three little questions is an act of rebellion — and compassion. Whether it’s in meetings, family group chats or during limteh sessions with that one aunt who never filters herself, remember:
Not everything that pops into your head needs to pop out of your mouth.
Speak truth. Speak purpose. Speak kindness.
That’s how we change conversations — and maybe even the world.
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